Beck's Poetry
Tell Me Who You Are
Tell me who you are is inspired by the #hellomynameis campaign.
Tell me who you are
As you breeze through my life like a car
Remember that I bear a scar
I've had quite a scare
Let me feel that you care
Experiences are rare
So make people stop and stare
Be the one to dare
Please take the time
It's not a crime
To make my time
Less like a lime
Please be a star
And tell me who you are
Even if our journey together isn't far
Keep in mind that I live in a jar
We Are
I am everything
I am nothing
I'm your strength
When you are feeling weak
The voice of courage
And the quiet calm
That wraps around you like a balm
You are more than you think
You're the light in my dark
My walk in the park
You give me that spark
To carry on when all is lost
No matter what the cost
Untitled 1
If you saw the little girl
Would you be scared?
Or show her that you cared?
Would you take away the pain
Somewhere in there
There's a woman hidden
Her life's just a midden
She needs some care
She's had quite a scare
The scars run deep
And trust doesn't come cheap
Doesn't take much for her to fall in a heap
And she can't sleep
Could you hold her tight
Guide her through the night
Show her what's right
She hasn't lost her fight
Can you touch her wounds without disgust
Because that'll add to her distrust
Show her that you care
And will never hurt her
Untitled 3
Why should I worry?
Why should I care?
I’ve been to places where few would dare
I’ve had quite a scare
I’ve seen the darkest night
Had to cling on tight
In order to see the morning light
I think of those fighting the fight
I’ve seen the love
Felt its wings fluttering like a dove
But the road was too rough
The journey too tough
I’ve clawed my way out
And tried not to pout
Or act like a lout
But I just don’t have enough clout
I Died Today
I lived every day fighting to carry on
No one knew the pain I felt
From the hand life dealt
Hard to imagine someone so young
Could feel the way I felt
Fighting to live when all I wanted was to die
Everyone knew how to fight it better than me
I only wished they could see
The strength it took in face of fear
I saw the pain,
I saw the fear
Etched on mum's face so clear
I know she suffered
I know it was all because of me
Don't think me selfish
Or unable to see
I died today
It was a price I had to pay
Now mum can go on with her day
Without the worry and fear
She can talk to me and I'll hear
Even shed a tear
They'll think they could do better
That I deserved to suffer
They know not what they do
How much I wanted to get better
A Christmas On The Street
I sit here and watch
People rush to and fro
Lights twinkle reflected by the snow
Everyone has somewhere to go.
I sit here and watch
As the streets empty
Where did the people go?
I sit here and watch
As it begins to snow
I'm visible to all
Yet invisible to many
As I settle down
For another night on the town
I know it won't be long
Before an officer comes along
To move me on down
The road with my heavy load
Hopefully, for Christmas, I'll get a home
A roof over my head and a meal
No one should ever feel
The cold from being here
I'm Trying
I’m trying hard to remove the memory of you from my body
But people keep staring at me oddly
It seems that you are forever destined to be there
Does anyone even care?
Do you think back on that night?
When things reached their height
I tried so hard to fight
You kept on until it was light
The tears fell like rain
I have to live with the pain
What did you gain?
Now I’m triggered
You never figured
I was threatened.
My emotions deadened
Why should I care?
If you are there
I see my babies
While you take me like a dog with rabies
You wanted to date me
You must really hate me
Why?
Couldn’t you just try?
I Love To Hate You
Look at you sitting there, shining
I love your beauty
Yet I hate what you do to me
I love the way you’re always there
Like the friend I never had
I hate the way I yearn for you
You love to caress me
Your long finger touches my very soul
I know I’ll soon feel good for a while
Then I’ll survey your trail
And I’ll hate not just you
But me, too
Our beauty is spoiled now
And you are soiled
But I know I’ll be back for you
For you are as much me as I am you
Age Of Recession
These days, all the talk's about the recession,
But it's nothing new
I've already been through one
When taking my NVQ
Some say I shouldn't complain
For I had a qualification to gain
Yet few would remain an age
In a job for the same wage
The hours are long
The pay's just wrong
With costs on the rise
Makes people think twice
No experience without a job
Or a job without experience
Too young to sign on
Got no choice but to rob
I Was A Bully
I was a bully
Thought it funny
To call her names
And exclude her from games
Now I’m a mummy
Wouldn’t be as funny
To see my own children exhiled
Called names
Or excluded from games.
I realise how much it must have pained
To have two children out of wedlock
Feels like the headlock
I held her in
As two of my crew
Took out a biro and drew
Right on her face
To see her race
For a place to get it off.
Now I fight
Back the fear,
Hope they don’t hear
As I kiss them goodnight
I pray with all my might
As she lies dead
Because of what I said
The Job's Done
The last season’s finished
The final pot is on board
The crab’s in
And the money rests in my pocket
The sun goes down on the end of an era
For next year I won’t be here
I’m going on to pastures new
I’ll be watching my boys as they do
The job I’ve done for many years
I hope that the advice I’ve given
Was enough to stop them making the same mistakes
Only time will tell
I’ve fell on the boat once too often
Now I know the end is nigh
I’m not scared
Next year, I’ll be catching crab in the sky.
From Cans To Coins
They call her names
But she pay’s no heed to their games
Instead, she’ll think of them
As she lies on the golden sands
On a vacation paid for
By the cans
That they carelessly toss to the kerb
Living With The Loaded Gun
Each day ticks by
Everyone adds the the burden she carries
Will today be the day
That load becomes too much
As she walks the tightrope between this world and the next
Her heart pleads for someone to listen
And to know
That it’s not her fault
Her mind hurts so
That the only way forward
Is to hurt her body
So the pain somehow makes sense
And the worthlessness can ease
For just a little while
Later, it will be back tenfold
As she realises
That she gave up 4 years of being clean
Does she ever stop?
Will the pain ever ease?
Can she win the fight?
Or will they consume her again?
Someone try to imagine the pain she feels inside
As all the years of abuse catch up with her
Just think what it must feel like
To hurt so much
That you have to hurt yourself, too.
You Lied
The day you lied
T’was the day a relationship died
Now I’m along for the ride
With nowhere to hide
How I’ve cried
Just because you lied
I'm Your Husband
I'm your husband
I listen more than you'll ever know
I feel things I'll never show
I know when you are low
You are mine to keep
And the responsibility runs deep
I often watch you as you sleep
As my heart crumples in a heap
I care
Sometimes more than I dare
It's hard for me to share
So I retreat to my lair
As you sit and stare
I'm Your Wife
I'm your wife
I care for you
More than you'll ever know
You might think that I'm nothing but strife
But you are my life
I'd lay down my life for you
And I hope that you'd do the same for me, too
May the times that you hate me be few
Know that wherever you go
You have me in tow
I'll be there whenever you are low
And at the times when you glow
Tears
Alone she stands
On the golden sand
Her feet start to sink
And it's hard to think
She sees it all
Yet knows not a thing
Except for the sting
Of all the tears
They say tears are
A release of fears
Yet no one even hears
As the pain sears
She's tired of being sore
Never understood what it's for
Why life's such a chore
That leaves you wanting more
Untitled 2
Walking through the dark
Cold seeped through to the bone
Yet still I walk alone
My heart heavy like a stone
Though the scars are deep
My heart's still yours to keep
As each night I weep
There's always a price to pay
So I paint on a smile and pretend to be gay
As long as I'm here, he'll stay away
I protected you today
Here I must stay
But each passing day
Leaves it's mark
Everyday is a day closer to you
Living With Depression
The little bear dances across the screen
So bright and gay
Ready to make someone's day
When the colors fade to grey
The lines between truth and myth blurred
Not that anyone really cared
Few even dared
To hear things
That must be heard
Every day, he paints on a smile
Hoping to fool the world,
Just for a little while
Soon, he'll long for his bed
A place where he can straighten his head
And wish that he was dead
It's better than the meds
At least in that place
He knows there's no race
He can claw his way out at his own pace
From the peace of his own space
The Cruise
Dedicated to those affected by Costa Concordia
The day is here at last
I've saved for this for months
Planned it out a thousand times
No detail left to chance
Walking up the gangplank
Hard to believe I'm finally here
Standing in my cabin
Feeling the throb
Don't know how I'm going to cram everything into my trip
So much to do in so little time
What to do first?
All too soon, we are heading for land
Something seems so very wrong
All of a sudden, I'm on my knees
At the mercy of the seas
The order to abandon ship is given
The captain has already gone
Fear grips me deep down
And the water's all around
For we've run aground
I realize it's too late for me
I won't be home for my tea
I feel an eery calm
Soothing like a balm
My only hope as I close my eyes for the last time
Is that my family made it through just fine
They'll miss me, I know
But I'll still be there to see them grow
I Was Bullied
I was bullied
My name sullied
Though I toiled
My blood boiled
To hear the names
And not be part of the games
What were their aims?
In a way
I was a part of their games
For who could they call names
Their aim to discredit
The respect I earned
Lies in tatters
Look at the credit
I earned
Looking past the bullies
Ask Her
Ask her why her tears fall onto her pillow at night
She’ll tell you that she misses the woman she was before
Ask her where she finds the strength to carry on each day
She’ll talk of hope.
Ask her about her past
She’ll talk about faceless monsters who inflicted terrible wounds upon her, yet she is physically unharmed.
Ask her why she’s awake when the world sleeps
She’ll talk of ghosts lurking in the darkness… always waiting… waiting until she sleeps before they pounce.
Ask her about her dreams
She’ll tell you that her greatest dream is to see an end to rape, that no-one should ever have to suffer in the same way.
Ask her why she tries to help others
She’ll tell you that if she can help just one person through Hell, then her own suffering wasn’t in vain
Ask her why she says “Sorry” for things that are out of her control
She’ll tell you how it feels to be abused behind closed doors and never where his marks can't be seen.
Ask her why she stuck things out for so long
She’ll talk of love and fear at the same time.
Ask her for her feelings
She will answer you in one word “Numb”
For all the wrongs done to her, numbness is all she knows. It is her blanket, her shield from the world.
Ask her if she will ever let you in
She’ll tell you that she will but you have to give her time, show her love and be there for her when the road is rough and smooth.
The Jubilee
It’s time to celebrate
So bring out the bunting
Everything’s red, white and blue
People line the streets as far as the eye can see
Some are sharing a party,
Others hope to glimpse the carriage
While others just want to hear the music
From the biggest party of the century
It’s 60 years on the throne
The boats travelled from around the world to sail up the Theams
There’s a picnic in the garden of the palace
And a parade
Then it’s all over,
The people have gone home
And the clean up can begin
The bunting is packed away for another year
Children tucked up in bed
And memories made
That will last a whole lifetime
I Can't See
I’m awake
I’m scared
I can’t see
I’m fighting to dress myself
Can’t get help naked
Won’t get help if I stay here
Now I’m dressed
Hope I got it right
Locked the door
Glad I left the key in
Count the steps
Remember there are 13
Walk up the slope
Those steps are funny
Tilt your head back, you can see
Don’t rely on it too much though, it hurts
Feel the fences and hedges you pass
That’s it, you made the corner
Head back, force eyes open
Can you see the light
I think I can, I’m too far away
Cross the road, glad it’s not busy
Close your eyes and feel the hedges
Careful, it curves here
Hey! Where’s it gone!
Force eyes open
Yes!!! The light’s on
Five steps more to the corner
Cross the road and up the drive
Bang on the gate
Help, I can’t see
Oh my God, panic stations
I’m safe now, on my way to hospital
“Come here, hold on to me”
Light’s bright on the back of my eyelids
Force eyes open, it’s a blur
See a blob of blue before me
Corridor stretches for miles
A bed at last
Sharp scratch – So cold
A warm blanket
Then – “Don’t panic but we’ve called an ambulance”
Scared now, am I going to die?
Rolling through the hospital
Cold again – shivering
Warm again, travelling a long way
Where am I?
Now I’m “there”
Cold again
Something’s in my hand
That hurt
Hand’s cold inside
Rest a while
Try to open eyes
Can see a little better
Rest a while more
Keep talking
Open eyes
Feels strange, something’s in the way
But I can see again
Fight to keep eyes open
With time it gets easier
8am, feel better now
I can go home to bed
I'll Always Be There
You'll never be free of me,
I'll always be there
Whenever you think I'm gone
I'll poke and prod
You'll remember why you should
Never let down your guard
I'll be there like the bad smell